Remembering Bruce Gentry

October 30th, 2015 will mark the four year anniversary of the death of my best friend, Bruce Gentry. It's a tough day for all who loved this man, but I can never let it pass without saying something about him. This year, I have revised a post that I wrote back in 2011, shortly after his passing. Here it is.

I met Bruce Gentry on a film shoot during my sophomore year at North Greenville University. The very day that we met, I felt as though I had known him for years. He kept me laughing the entire day. We exchanged numbers, and the very next day at 7 a.m., I got a phone call reminding me to get to my Biology class on time. From then on, we talked on the phone constantly. Bruce became as close as a brother. We shared a love of film and of music that only served to bring us closer together. Bruce was a wellspring of knowledge, and he was always willing to teach me new things, to expand my horizons artistically, and to keep my ADD riddled mind on task. 

When I entered an internship in Marietta, GA, it was one of the first times that I had ever been away from home, living on my own. As a result of my panic disorder, I was plagued with attacks for many nights. I spoke with Bruce for hours every night that summer, and every time I would call him in a panic, he would calmly recite Psalm 91 for me, and before I knew it, the wave of fear had passed and had lulled me into a place of peace. Bruce always said, "when you share a burden, it's divided; when you share a joy, it's multiplied". During the tough times in my life, he always reminded me that I was loved, and I could always depend on him. I would find myself calling him when I was in need of comfort. He never missed a phone call. He was most definitely a caretaker. During a recent film shoot, I became ill with dehydration. There was Bruce, running to the nearest drug store, forcing me to drink Pedialyte and pulling me off the set. I would have been angry with anyone else, but because it was Bruce, because he was my brother, my best friend, and my artistic soul mate, it didn't matter. I just sat down for the remainder of the shoot, and listened to Bruce talk away about Charles Laughton and Bette Davis. I often joke that I would have listened to Bruce Gentry read the phone book for hours. The man had the richest voice. He'd often leave voicemails on my phone, where he'd recite long monologues from Shakespeare, and fill up my entire inbox. I never complained. I loved every minute. He was one of the greatest actors that ever lived. Those who have worked with him one on one know this to be true. He was a consummate professional, and he absolutely adored the stage and screen. Everyone wanted to work with him. To know Bruce was to love him - that's all there is to it. I could go on and on about this beloved man.  

My friend, James Turner, and I were lucky enough to capture footage of Bruce and his beloved Aunt Doris a few years previous. James and I have many memories of those two. As you can see in the video above, they had a way with one another. They kept us laughing. As incredibly gifted as he was, Bruce dedicated the latter part of his life to caring for his aunt, as well as others. He put his own dreams to the side, making huge sacrifices for the ones that he loved. But he always planned to return to the arts. There were many projects that Bruce and I discussed over the years that never saw the light of day. I regret that wholeheartedly. However, Bruce touched my life in a way that few have. I have so many memories that I will cherish forever, and thank God that I saved most of his voicemails. I will miss him so much. My heart is breaking. I am devastated because of this tragedy, but I do know that he is with the Lord now. He's with his Doris. And Lord knows, they're probably fussing at and joking with each other like they always did.

Bruce, my brother, my best friend, I will miss you more than you will ever know, but I will see you again. 

I love you. 

The Journey Continues

Some of our friends in the world of social media would have us believe that we are living in the “end times”. We’re told that the world is heading straight for hell, that God is wrath, and that our days are numbered.

The only problem with all of this is that none of it is true. Despite what you may have heard over the years, we aren’t living in the end times. Despite what the street prophets and televangelists are shouting from the sidewalks and atop the New York Times bestseller list, Jesus is not coming back. Speaking for myself as someone who professes Christ, I believe that He’s here, in this time and place, right now. The very essence of Christ abounds in every person who has the capability to love another.

Yes, there is injustice in the world. Yes, there is violence and death. Yes, there is inequality. But I do believe that the human race is progressing towards a greater good in spite of it all. We may not be there just yet, but even so, we are pressing forward.

Grace will abound in the end, for all. Not just for an elect group of people, but for everyone. What we need to keep in mind is that none of this change will happen without us - the world working together as a whole. Every person from every walk of life - black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Buddhist, agnostic, atheist, etc. Let’s work together and try to stop spreading the gloom and doom propaganda that is depressing and false and only serves one purpose - to obliterate hope and keep us afraid.

Break free and keep pressing on. Cleave to that precious and small circle of friends who can embark on this journey with you. Live your life without fear, without regret, make the most of every moment, and never apologize for who you are.

In this way, there is always love, always hope, and the end is nowhere in sight. 

On Charisma News And Willful Ignorance

For years now, Charisma News has been a thorn in the side of many progressives - those on the left, right, and middle of the spectrum - due to a pattern of blatant hatred and an attitude of willful ignorance regarding issues of social justice and equality.

Just recently, Charisma News published an article authored by a woman named Chelsen Vicari, who has also written a book entitled, "Distorted". The article in question was titled "How The New Christian Left Is Twisting The Gospel". Admittedly, this was a well-written - albeit largely naive - attempt to attack "hip" evangelical congregations by making the unfounded argument that we have abandoned traditional teaching in favor of cherry picking Scriptures that "jive" with the culture. The article featured a photo of a young tattooed couple in causal clothing (as if being young and tattooed is something to be ashamed of) and then proceeded to break down liberal Christians into three convenient categories. In doing so, Little Miss Chelsen entirely missed the mark - several times over.

You see, Little Miss Chelsen used to a progressive. By progressive, I mean that she used to stand for the raw, unadulterated teachings of Christ, championed equality for all people, and placed grace at the forefront of all things. She "loved her neighbor as herself". She was a free thinker. All good things. We each have a personal journey, each to walk out in his or her own fashion. But along the way, Little Miss Chelsen suffered some type of a relapse. Before long, social justice wasn't good enough. Feminists became evil. And capitalism was a-okay - not to be questioned. She then decided that "liberal Christianity" was all about "issues" and nothing else. She decided to stop dancing and opted for a march instead. And then someone gave her an outlet to write about this. And, boy oh boy, here comes Charisma. They posted her article, which contains the following quote:

Popular liberal evangelical writers and preachers tell young evangelicals that if they accept abortion and same-sex marriage, then the media, academia and Hollywood will finally accept Christians. Out of fear of being falsely dubbed "intolerant" or "uncompassionate," many young Christians are buying into theological falsehoods. Instead of standing up as a voice for the innocent unborn or marriage as God intended, millennials are forgoing the authority of Scripture and embracing a couch potato, cafeteria-style Christianity all in the name of tolerance.

A bit shallow. Totally untrue. In Little Miss Chelsen's eyes, we're all blind, incapable of thinking for ourselves, and are all nazis. This is where Little Miss Chelsen screwed up, by allowing her mind to become warped by the extreme right and then sitting down at a keyboard to share her thoughts before she even had a moment to ponder them, to seriously consider what she was saying. She's so out of the  loop, she no longer understands what it is to be "progressive" anymore. She also assumes that all progressives are liberal.

And Charisma News is eating it up. Last week, they posted an article about Rachel Held Evans' departure from the Evangelical church. They made it seem like Rachel had abandoned Christ altogether, and that every follower of hers was going to do the same. But this is what they do. Charisma News likes to instill fear by telling lies. And now, they are using Little Miss Chelsen as a way to promote that sickening agenda. This is what the extreme right excels at. They see progressive Christians who celebrate freedom, and they are mad because they see that we have discovered truth. They then set out to attack that freedom by any means necessary - even if they have to flat-out lie to do it.

It's time that true Christ followers took a stand. Let Charisma News and Little Miss Chelsen know that you are tired of their kind. That you are fed up with the abuse. That you will no longer allow them to speak for all believers. In the meantime, pray that Little Miss Chelsen comes back to her senses. Pray that she finds a group that will help to undo much of the brainwashing that has apparently gone on over the past few years. Pray that she finds freedom.

And most of all, pray for an end to Charisma News.

To Walk Away

Over the years, I’ve become very aware of a good many of my brothers and sisters in Christ who are leaving the faith - or who are seriously considering it.

This saddens me for many reasons, but most of all, it breaks my heart because I know the reason that they are falling away - and I think that it has less to do with God than it does with the people who claim to follow him.

Quite simply, the people who are falling away in droves are tired of the bullshit. They’ve grown weary of the lack of compassion that has taken over within the walls of the church. They have listened for years as the church has condemned minorities, made the “tithe” a priority, and considered those who are different to be “less than” God’s best. And Church, they are tired of the “drive-by guilting” (love that term) and the lack of grace in your sermons, the self-righteous attitudes of those in your congregations, and all of your sorry excuses that allow you to keep things as they are. The "churches are made up of imperfect people" argument can only get you so far, and by now, you've worn it out. It's not good enough, just like all of the other go-to excuses that you use to keep the pews packed every week. We're too smart for that, Church. Welcome to the 21st century. 

They’re flat-out sick of it all. And, because you foolishly do all of these things in God’s name every Sunday, they have begun to falsely associate your abhorrent behavior with a loving God. And now, they are walking away from Him. Walking away from their Creator, because they feel that He doesn’t want them. 

This burdens me because I know that they’ve got it all wrong. They need to direct that anger where it belongs - at the church, at the followers and leaders who have failed miserably, and who have done so willingly and without a care in the world.

My brothers and sisters, God does not want this for you. Do not let the false prophets and Pharisees color your perception of God, of Christ. Despite what they may think, they do not speak for Him. They are dead wrong. Please understand that I know how you feel. I’ve been there, but I also know that my relationship with Christ is one of beauty, love, and grace that never ceases. It looks nothing like what the “white washed tombs” that make up a good many of the churches in this nation have made it out to be.

For a time, it may even be necessary for you to walk away. You heard me correctly. Walk away from the church. Figure some things out, just you and Christ and nobody else. Sometimes, walking away from it all can be for the best. Walk away until you can find a group of people who can actually help you to grow, who will constantly remind you of the gift of grace, who refuse to condemn you. Believe it or not, there are congregations like this - groups of believers who make it a priority to include everyone, not just the spiritual elite. In the meantime, as church attendance continues to take a nosedive, those in the church who have driven others away will be forced to take a different approach. The resounding message will be "either change with the times or be forced into obscurity".

If the church is damaging you at this point, then I encourage you to leave. Stay away until you find a family that will help you to heal. To borrow a quote from the immortal Dolly Parton in Nine to Five, no one wants to be treated like a “bastard at a family reunion”! 

Walk away from the church before you walk away from God. Walk to Him. Most likely, it’s not Him you’re angry with anyway. Trust me. 

Conflicted, Angry, Confused...Hopeful.

"Who never doubted, never half-believed. Where doubt is, there truth is. It is her shadow." ~ Ambrose Bierce

With all of the unrest in the world, it's easy for the cynic in me to come crawling out.

When I hear of the senseless violence that is being carried out in other countries towards my brothers and sisters in Christ as well as others -- it only serves to bring feelings to the surface that go against my nature.

I mean, you hear that children are being murdered systematically by a rag-tag terrorist group, and you can't help but hope that God wipes out the guilty parties en masse. You can't help but hope for the death of the evil forces. And I don't like feeling that way. I don't like the fact that I long for the death of anyone, terrorist groups or anybody else for that matter. I'm a peace-loving hippie. I'm supposed to be the peacemaker. I always have been. These angry feelings go against the very essence of who I am.

Nevertheless, this is how I feel at the moment.

And then there's God. I believe that He is out there. I've placed my faith in Him. But I want Him to show up. When your children are being beheaded,  you're supposed to do something about that - and in a big way. It's the age old question: God, where are you? In times like these, I feel as though people are justified in asking that question. "God has a plan," they say. Okay. What plan is that? And why does it have to involve terrorism? God parted the Red Sea. He's performed all kinds of miracles. He can do anything he wants, really. I mean, this is God we are talking about. So, why can't he just snap his fingers and wipe these enemies out in an instant? "God has a plan". That's great, but that's an answer that's currently not good enough for me. I also do not believe that God is "allowing" these things to happen in order to "teach the world a lesson". I don't serve that kind of God. I wouldn't serve that kind of God. If you have to kill millions of your own children to teach the rest of us a lesson, well, that's horrifying in and of itself -- and that's simply not my God, the "for God so loved the world" God.

And yet...

I'm hopeful that He is going to work it all out, in His own way, in His own time. A peace came over me today. I don't know where it came from, so I can only assume that it came from God. I am hopeful that His grace is sufficient and that He takes care of His own.

I am hopeful, and because of this, I can move forward. There is a comfort in knowing that it is okay to ask God, "What in the hell is going on?" I know that he understands. He hears it from me quite often!

If you are out there and your faith has been shaken, know that you are not alone. Know that this is okay, and that He is okay with it. It is in these doubts and questions that we grow closer to God and to each other. It is in doubt that you find freedom. It is in doubt that truth is revealed.

My Filmmaking Journey with A BEAUTIFUL SILENCE, Part I

Over the past few weeks, I have set out to shoot a film that I wrote nearly two years ago with one of my best friends, entitled A Beautiful Silence. Inspired by the films of Terrence Malick and the poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke, the film tells the story of a young woman who is dealing with an intense case of spiritual doubt that has been building within her for quite some time.

Plagued with nightmares, she arises early one morning, says a prayer by candlelight, and goes downstairs for a cup of tea and to quietly reflect on recent events. At this moment, we flashback to a worship service at her church. In a moment of frustration, she storms out, and is followed by a friend who confronts her and reminds her that doubt, in and of itself, is not a bad thing.

Questions are necessary. Our protagonist is a seeker, who has finally seen past the mask that she has been forced to wear for so long -- and while this is freeing, it also thrusts her into a whirlwind of conflicting emotions when she begins to suspect that God has possibly forsaken her.

In an effort to confront these feelings head-on and without distraction, she makes her way to a nearby park. As she begins to walk along a path in the woods, she proceeds to contemplate her spiritual walk up to this very moment in her life. In the midst of all of this turmoil, she will learn that faith and doubt are mutually inclusive, and that God is not as silent as He seems.

The experience of A Beautiful Silence is one that has helped me to grow in a myriad of ways - as a writer, as a filmmaker, and as a seeker. Brittany Renee Smith is my co-writer and lead actress on this project, and over the course of two years, we have seen this screenplay evolve as we have matured and wrestled with our faith at different times. I've had to go to some scary places emotionally and spiritually, but in doing so, I've become far more grounded than ever before. I've unpacked much of the old ideals that I used to hold in favor of others that place an emphasis on grace and authenticity.

While these themes have been dealt with many times before by other artists, we are merely offering our own unique message. We have abandoned a traditional narrative structure in favor of a more fragmented approach. I wanted the viewer to feel as if he or she was inside the mind of the protagonist, moving seamlessly from one thought to another - but with a common thread that holds everything together, much like the feeling of reading a diary. We're creating a tapestry of words, sounds, and images that will hopefully appeal to the intellect as well as the heart. This is not a "Christian" film. We are dealing with faith, and faith is universal. Being a Christian myself - and not entirely fond of the preachiness that often comes with "Christian" filmmaking - I have set out to make a film that refuses to preach, and also refuses to end things on a safe and tidy note.

I am working with a top-notch crew of carefully selected, incredibly talented individuals whom I love dearly. We have only two more scenes to shoot before this film is wrapped. We've had to make some sacrifices here and there. We've had to lose some shots. We've had to improvise and work with what we have -- but all in all, this has been a highly successful and artistically fulfilling shoot.

I am never completely satisfied with my work. I am my worst critic. I always will be. I think it comes with the territory. However, I hope that there is an audience for this film who will be genuinely moved and touched by it. I can't wait to unleash it upon the world!

On this day, I am thankful and blessed. More to come!

And They All Cried BOYCOTT!!!!

So, it has recently come to my attention that evangelicals the world over are attempting to orchestrate yet another boycott.

Yes. You read that correctly. Another boycott.

The last time, it was Oreos. This time, it's Burger King.

Apparently, there is ONE location in downtown San Francisco that is wrapping their burgers in rainbow colored wrappers, which read "We are all the same inside". This is all part of last week's gay pride celebration in San Francisco, and this was Burger King's way of contributing. The money that is made off of the "Proud Burger" will go towards scholarships for LGBT students. Not a bad investment, if you ask me. That's someone's education, after all. Straight or gay, scholarships are great! Just don't assume that the religious right is going to agree. Just know that if your company is thinking about slapping a rainbow next to their brand name, you may be next on the "boycott" list.

Take a moment to quiver and shake at the thought. Done? Okay.

Really, the deep-seeded issues that I have with boycotting go way beyond the rainbow. This isn't just about the LGBT community. The evangelical boycott threat is everywhere. These people attack what they don't understand. Remember, this is a group that takes pride in anti-intellectualism. Take the arts, for instance. Remember the lively boycotts for the film adaptations of The Da Vinci Code? How about The Golden Compass? Some groups even boycotted "Christian" films, such as The Passion of the Christ and Blue Like Jazz. Conservative groups have boycotted libraries for carrying certain titles, like "The Color Purple" or "The Catcher in the Rye" for "offensive" content. Art can be challenging, therefore, it must be the enemy.

The boycott mania also extends to companies like Target, Starbucks, The Walt Disney Company, Lowes, and Best Buy - even Heinz ketchup isn't safe from the finger-wagging, picketing Pharisees.

Yes. They tried to boycott ketchup. Let that sink in.

And, speaking of ketchup, does anybody remember those "freedom fries"? Yeah. Feel free to roll your eyes in disgust. That happened.

As a Christian, this has always annoyed me to no end. I have no respect for these people or their cry-baby histrionics. They're like those kids in Wal-Mart who throw tantrums when they can't get that toy that they want so much. I could go on and on, but I'll just say this: if you're going to put all of your time and energy into boycotting something, make it worth your while. Use boycotting to make a difference. Stop boycotting cookies and burgers and books and movies and ketchup, because when you boycott those things, you only succeed in doing one thing and one thing only. You make yourself look like an idiot. And, trust me, in that moment, you are the idiot. You're a joke. You should be ridiculed. You should be mocked. You're asking for it, for goodness sakes! YOU BOYCOTTED KETCHUP!

Furthermore, as so-called Christians, you should know better. I have no qualms about calling out my supposed "brothers and sisters" when they are damaging the kingdom, because believe it or not, that's what you're doing.

Also, if this hurts you, perhaps you're the one who needed to read it. I'm not sorry for speaking the truth.