Faith Without Doubt

"Faith without doubt leads to moral arrogance, the eternal pratfall of the religiously convinced." —Joe Klein 

 

I've never been able to trust anyone who claims to know it all, especially in regards to faith. Webster defines faith as "firm belief in something for which there is no proof". As followers of Christ - or any other faith - we have chosen to believe in the unknown. I've never seen God, but I feel that He exists. I've trusted that He is there. I have no physical proof, other than the beautiful world that surrounds me. True, I feel "something", a presence, as though someone up there is guiding me along a certain path. I have the Bible, of course, but it takes a great deal of the aforementioned faith to put my trust into it - and I do trust a great deal of it, especially those red letters. 

However, with all of that being said, I still doubt. 

I used to think that doubt was entirely bad, but I've found over the years that this isn't so. I've only discovered that doubt has made my faith stronger, if that makes any sense. Doubt allows me some ambiguity in all of this. Doubt opens me up to a world of healthy questions (some of them with answers...I think) and allows me to relate to others around me who are in different stages of their journeys. Some of my friends are atheists or agnostics. With the exception of one or two, my relationships with my atheist and agnostic friends have been entirely healthy. I surround myself with conservatives, moderates and liberals, and I feel as though I get a fair balance of every perspective and worldview out here in the Bible Belt. These relationships are anything but toxic. They've helped me to grow. Through these people, I have been able to explore all facets of my faith. All of this is good.

But...

There are those (in every group) who believe that they have God in a pretty little box and that they alone have all of the answers. Any attempt to challenge them or to broaden their horizons is thwarted. This makes them arrogant. This hurts the cause of Christ. The very fact that they have no doubt is actually harming them. They don't realize it, but the rest of us do. When you think that you have it all figured out, there is no room to grow. There is no room for mystery, for discovery - and what a boring and senseless walk that must be. It is crippling in the worst way possible. I would even go as far to say that my interactions with atheists, agnostics, and left-leaning Christians have been far more beneficial than those that I share with the more evangelical types, if only because extreme conservatism leaves little room to breathe. That saddens me. 

Learn to embrace certain doubts. At least, this is what I'm learning. Doubt can lead you down some beautiful paths if you let it. God can use doubt to bring you closer to Him. After all, we're not meant to know everything. 

There is a comfort in that. There is beauty in silence and uncertainty, and in the end, whether you believe it or not, He will guide you. You will see what He wants you to see, all in his time. 

The Grace Conundrum

I know, to banish anger altogether from one's breast is a difficult task. It cannot be achieved through pure personal effort. It can be done only by God's grace. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Hi, everyone. Adam here. I'm so happy to be writing again. So many things have happened in my life over the past few months, and they've all been crazy and wonderful at the same time. 

Spiritually speaking, my walk with Christ and my relationship with God continues to evolve. I'm still asking scary questions. I'm still seeking answers. I'm still embracing doubt. I'm still a crazy liberal Jesus freak.

Perhaps I'm a bit nicer when it comes to my many issues with the state of modern evangelical conservatism. Perhaps I'm practicing what I preach (or trying to, at least). 

Grace, grace, grace. 

I'm a huge fan of grace. Any self-respecting follower of Christ appreciates grace and the freedom that comes with it. Those who prefer to remain enslaved by arbitrary laws -- well -- they're missing out. Some of these types may insist that I follow suit. Some of them have tried to pull me back in to the trap of legalism, anti-intellectualism, and various other "isms" that require me to fully accept a questionable doctrine or agenda without question.

Give up to grace. The ocean takes care of each wave 'til it gets to shore. You need more help than you know. -Rumi

This is where grace becomes hard. This is an area where God has convicted me.

The aforementioned types of individuals immediately put me on the defensive. I've struggled so hard and so long with my faith - this faith that has shaped me into the person that I am today - that any subtle attempts to challenge that and drag me back to the shallow end must be resisted, by any means necessary. I can lose myself in these situations. I get agitated easily.

But I'm getting better.

I'm willing to put grace into action. I'm willing to agree to disagree, to wish you well on your journey, your own unique quest for truth - whatever that may be.

I'm trying, people! I'm anything but perfect, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

On God, Grace, and The Tree of Life

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth? When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

With this verse of Scripture from the Book of Job, Terrence Malick begins his philosophical exploration of God, of nature, and of grace. The Tree of Life is an extraordinary experience. It is a work of art in the truest sense. It is living, breathing poetry.

God. Grace. Beauty. These three things will be referenced more than once, because every single frame of this film is saturated with them.

The Tree of Life jolted me awake during a difficult period in my life, causing me to embrace my spirituality in ways that I never had before. More than anything else, I believe that God speaks to use through the arts, whether it be through a combination of images and sounds, drawings on a canvas, or a piece of music. Even those who don’t believe in a god will agree that the arts offer a direct line to truth and beauty. The arts are essential to our lives because they offer an outlet through which we are able to share our souls with one another, to lay ourselves bare to the world, if only for just a moment.

The Tree of Life is Terrence Malick’s most personal film. It tells of a man named Jack O’Brien, who drifts through his life on the anniversary of his younger brother’s death. He contemplates his past, and how his mother taught him the ways of grace. How she instilled within him an appreciation of the world and of beauty. He thinks of his brother and his mother, and how they influenced his relationship with God.

“Brother. Mother. It was they who led me to your door.”

These lines are whispered into a black void which is gradually illuminated by a single flame of light in the opening moments of the film. During the course of the film, we will hear the voices of these individuals as they contemplate the nature of God, as they wrestle with the one being on Earth whose very existence is made known by the world that surrounds them.

“The nuns taught us that no one who loves the way of grace ever comes to a bad end.”

Many classical pieces from various requiems, to modern works of holy minimalism, to the familiar strains of Smetana’s Moldau accentuate the meditative tone of the film. Each piece has been carefully selected to convey the proper mood or feeling that Malick associates with the scene. Like Kubrick, Malick relies on the great composers of the past to craft the soul of his film.

As a mother wanders through the woods and prayerfully questions God concerning the death of her son, she shuts her eyes. Immediately, we are led into a transcendent sequence which takes us through the creation of the universe, the brief reign of the dinosaurs, and finally, to the birth of the main character, Jack. As the galaxies are formed out of nothingness, Zbigniew Preisner’s “Lacrimosa” plays over the soundtrack. The Latin word “lacrimosa” translates to “weeping” in the English language. As the mother’s whispered prayers are juxtaposed with the majesty and the beauty of the images and the music both on the screen and over the soundtrack, it is as though God is responding: “I am weeping with you, my child. You are not alone in your suffering.” The verse of Scripture from the beginning of the film is also echoed in this twenty minute sequence:

“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth? When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?”

There is no possible way to understand God and his motives. Who are we to question the Creator? And, yet, he understands and welcomes our questions, communicating with us through his creation and through our loved ones. Jack finds God by way of his mother and his brother. Inside of Jack, there is a love of all things beautiful and an understanding of grace. Also buried deep within Jack is the darkness, nurtured by his loving yet stern father’s rigid philosophy of life, which is in direct opposition to the ways of grace which his mother has taught him, as well as his two brothers. Jack’s father becomes a model for God Himself. As a result, Jack’s foundation is shaken. God is not always fair or kind. And yet, God is an ocean of grace.

“Why should I be good when you aren’t? What I want to do, I can’t do. I do what I hate.”

The Tree of Life is full of impressionistic images that serve as symbols within the film, particularly water and light.

Water represents grace. Light represents God. In many moments, Malick cuts to a cascading waterfall and to rolling waves in the ocean to remind us that grace abounds. As we follow young Jack on this journey from birth to adulthood, we notice that he never quite escapes the light. As an infant, Jack watches happily as the reflection of the sun through the window causes the light to dance on the wall of his room. Jack’s mother points towards the sunlit sky and tells him, “That’s where God lives.” We push in on the bulb of a street lamp during a scene which suggests that the O’Brien family is content and peaceful. All seems right with the world in this moment. Later, when Jack begins to rebel, we cut to the very same street lamp – only this time, Malick’s camera quickly pulls away from it. Jack is falling away from the light, as we all tend to do in our lives at some point or another. He antagonizes his younger brothers. He fights with his mother. He breaks into a neighbor’s house and rummages through her belongings, staring lustfully at her lingerie. He falls in with a group of young hooligans.

No matter how hard Jack may try to avoid it, the light is always there in the background, following him, and patiently awaiting his return.

We watch as Jack allows himself to feel again. We watch as his brother embraces and forgives him. Jack becomes a wellspring of love, and reconciles with his father, who will struggle in his own way throughout the course of the film.

“I didn’t know how to name You then. But I see it was You. Always you were calling me.”

We see Jack as an adult as he wanders through a vast desert. Lost. Confused. He passes ancient ruins and stumbles through the emptiness which stretches out before him. Suddenly, he approaches a doorway which leads to a divine vision in which he confronts the people that have influenced him throughout his life, including his childhood self. As “Agnus Dei” from Berlioz carries us through the scene, we witness  as Jack walks along the shore of an ocean, surrendering to the beauty of his past as well as the splendor of the life that he has yet to live. It is an awakening. In one of many memorable scenes, Jack’s mother finally releases herself of the burden of grief over her son and finds peace with God.

“I give him to You. I give You my son.”

The film ends with Jack, fully aware of the magnificence around him. He has discovered God once again, as evidenced by the slight smile on his face. With that, we cut to black. A moment later, and the flame of light appears again before slowly fading away.

“You spoke to me from the sky. The trees. Before I knew I loved You. Believed in You.”

It took a film like The Tree of Life to wake me from my spiritual coma. I was numb. I had a shallow understanding of grace. I could relate to young Jack. I had asked many of the same questions. I was in the midst of a battle between the light and the darkness, good and evil. As a believer myself, I often wondered, “Why would He want anything to do with me?” However, God met me in the one place where He knew he could find me – a darkened movie theatre. He spoke to me through Terrence Malick’s beautiful tapestry of sight and sound. After the film was over, I sat in silence with my friend. I couldn’t move. I knew it was unforgettable. I knew that I had to see it again immediately. And I did. I saw The Tree of Life eight times during its theatrical run at Cherrydale Cinemas in Greenville, South Carolina. I’ve seen it at least eight more times since the Blu-ray release, each subsequent viewing proves to be a unique experience.

Whether you have faith in a God or not, this is a film that should be able to touch you in some way. I can only speak from my own experience. Since the film’s release, there have been many interpretations. I can only offer mine. It is a polarizing experience. Many love it and many loathe it. I can only hope that you will give it a chance.

Five Things You Didn't Sign Up For When You Became A Christian

“You ought to live your life with such freedom and joy that uptight Christians will doubt your salvation.” ― Steve Brown

Every day, all I have to do is look on my newsfeed in order to see that some of my fellow believers are struggling in their journey with God. I see that they are still performing, still looking for excuses to rob themselves of their God-given freedom. I believe this comes from the fact that the older generations are still spreading around the same poisonous, legalism-riddled theology that's been going around for years. Their children have become pastors, or they have influenced other impressionable young men, and the vicious cycle goes on and on. 

The progressive voice in the Christian community has grown considerably over the past few years. We have managed to drown out as much of the poison as we possibly can. And still, there are those who remain afraid. They're trapped in a web of spiritual slavery. What they don't seem to understand is this: they didn't sign up for any of that. The fear, the constant doubt, the masks -- you didn't sign up for those things when you accepted Christ. In actuality, you were given the gift of freedom, with all of the things that the word "freedom" implies. 

Here are a few things that you didn't sign up for. 

1. Fear. You didn't sign up for a life saturated by fear. God is not angry with you. He loves you. He understands that you are not perfect. He has accepted you as you are, no questions asked. He loves your past, present, and your future self. There is nothing that you can do that will make Him stop loving you. He is your father. You don't have to walk on eggshells around him, despite what the "hellfire and brimstone" spewing pastors would have you believe. Ignore their heresies and live without fear. You are really free. 
2. Doubts Concerning Your Salvation. Know that if you have confessed Christ as your Lord and Savior and you really meant it, you are saved. The faith of a mustard seed. It is as simple as Romans 10:9. "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." There is no fine print. That is it, folks. And, despite what the advocates of lordship salvation may tell you (John MacArthur, John Piper), there is nothing that you can ever do to lose that salvation - neither is there anything that you have to do in order to earn it. 
3. The Need To Perform. You don't have to wear a mask. You don't have to try so hard to be perfect. If you continue on that path to perfection on your own, you will fail. You'll drown yourself in on ocean of false guilt and impossible standards. Change doesn't happen over night. Change lasts a lifetime - and it doesn't always occur in the areas that you think it will. God isn't concerned with how "good" you are. I know that it's a terrible cliche, but there is some truth in "letting go and letting God". So, let go! And don't let some pastor or fellow Christian tell you otherwise. God is changing you in his own way and in his own time from the inside out. 
4. Legalism. Somewhat related to #3. When I think of legalism, I come up with all kinds of examples. You'll have people preach to you about the evils in our culture - how all music is sinful, how all movies are tools of the Devil. That drinking is an unpardonable sin. I'm here to tell you right now - that is all nonsense. You are free to watch, to listen to, or to drink anything you want. Follow your own convictions, not the convictions of others. They are on a different journey altogether. Perhaps they are on a path which will lead to the bondage of performance, of wearing masks. You don't want to go there. If these types approach you - especially if you are a relatively new Christian - turn and walk away in the other direction. Yes, you can love these people. You can also love them from a distance. Choose the path of freedom, always. 
5. Loneliness. As Christians, depending on where you live and who you surround yourself with, it can get kind of lonely, especially if you are a bit on the unorthodox side. Please know that you did not sign up for that. There is a spiritual family out there who is willing to grow with you in Christ. Take a moment to look around, hook up with a grace-loving, freedom-celebrating group of fellow believers who can help to guide you. Also, know that God is always with you and that Christ lives inside of you. Once you grasp that, you'll realize that you're never really alone. 

These are the five things that you did not sign up for. If ever one of these five things rears its ugly head up at you, remember that you are absolutely, unapologetically free - and that nothing or no one can take that away from you.

"Everything Is Permitted": On Game of Thrones, John Piper, and Freedom In Christ

So, there's a lot of hoopla (backed by a lot of bad theology) going on in the Christian community surrounding the nudity in the show, "Game of Thrones", and whether Christians should watch the show because of that nudity. The general consensus amongst the people in the anti-Game of Thrones camp is that nudity is "bad". That artistic nudity will turn us all into godless deviants. On one hand, I can understand. Some Christians have struggled with pornography addiction in the past. If this is you, then perhaps you shouldn't be watching anything containing nudity. Go with your convictions on that one. However, the rest of us just enjoy great cinema and the wonderful stories that come from some of the more adult television shows. Just as you see nudity in real life, naked people are indeed present on some of these shows. Just like there were naked people back in Biblical times, we have naked people today - and since art represents certain truths, like the fact that sometimes people get naked, you will find nudity on these programs.

This is both a good and a bad argument to have. Good, because it helps certain people determine where they stand on the matter, according to their own convictions. Bad, because some of those well-meaning people try to force a religious dogma down our throats which says that nudity is of the devil. Which just isn't true. 

There is a healthier way to have this discussion in the Christian community, and it starts with 1 Corinthians 10:23. 

Everything is permitted, but not everything is beneficial. 

We are free in Christ. We are free to watch "Game of Thrones" if we so choose. Totally free. Some of us will watch "Game of Thrones", or any other work of art, and find something that will benefit us, whether it is watching a character go through some sort of profound change, a battle between good vs. evil, etc. Others will watch the same show and find that they can't get past the adult content. It doesn't benefit them. Both of these scenarios are okay, but they must remain personal decisions for each individual. Just because John Piper feels one way about the issue doesn't mean that you are obligated to feel the same way. "But he's a pastor," you say. So what? He's also human. He doesn't have all of the answers. This is one fallible man with one questionable opinion. "But he's a man of God, though. He's trustworthy! He's been to seminary!" Be careful with that. Be very, very careful. A man of God is still just a man. 

Another way to look at the situation: I am a film critic. Every day, I get review copies in the mail. Just this week, I got a DVD copy of a Zalman King film entitled, Pleasure or Pain. Now, knowing all that I know about Zalman King and his filmography, I can guess based on the synopsis and the title alone that this film is going to contain lots of gratuitous sex and nudity. Just like Wild Orchid before it, it is going to be all sex with little substance. In other words, it's not going to be spiritually or emotionally beneficial for me in any way. 

Take another, altogether different film. Eyes Wide Shut. Stanley Kubrick's last film and one of my favorites. It is full of nudity, but unlike the work of Zalman King, the nudity in this film serves a specific purpose. There is nothing blatantly or even gratuitously erotic about the nudity in Eyes Wide Shut. For me, the experience of watching Eyes Wide Shut is entirely beneficial. There is a very pro-fidelity message that runs throughout the entire film., about what it means to really love your wife or your husband, learning not to take he or she for granted in the bonds of marriage. It is an incredibly Biblical message, if you ask me. A film that I have learned from, that I have pondered over for years - and not once did I ever "dwell" on the nudity. I didn't become a deviant. I took what Kubrick had given the world, I listened to what he had to say through the images and sounds that he put in front of me, and it was all very beneficial. 

As I said earlier, if we're going to have this discussion, we need to have it this way. Is what you are watching going to benefit you? Is it going to stay with you for all of the right reasons? Will it change you? If the answer is yes, then by all means, go forth and enjoy that work of art, whatever it is! Let God use it in your life. If the answer is no, then I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if you go with the beneficial option, you'll have a lot more to think about at the end of the day. 

Thank God for the arts. Let's not make them something to be avoided. The arts are a gift. They should be approached accordingly. 

Free Yourself

Many times in my life, I have felt inadequate. There were people inside and outside of the church who told me that my "walk" was less than perfect. I felt the need to push towards perfection, but every time I tried, I failed miserably. Because of my many failures to live up to impossible standards, I felt as though my journey with God was headed to some dark places and that He, my father, was not pleased with me.

Years passed. I grew. I learned about the radical nature of grace. My life changed. I tore the mask off and gave it to God. He tossed it away. I was finally free. I experienced a joy like no other. After this, I became aware of others around me who were still masked. They were in the midst of freedom and were terrified of it. They were Stepford Christians. I made it my mission in life to be a living example of the freedom that comes through spirituality, through God, through Christ. Nothing was ever the same again. 

Today, I am thankful for the beautiful mystery that my life became when I chose to place my faith in God. It doesn't always make sense, and there are always more questions than answers. And yet, I wouldn't have it any other way. Anything is possible for the eternal seeker.

Free yourself. You don't have to keep performing. The ones who judge you now will find other reasons to judge you later. You were never meant to be their puppet. Now, go and live.